New Year Resolutions

Why am I against New Year resolutions? In order to explain, let us briefly discuss the concept of the surface structure and deep structure of communication.

The concepts of surface structure and deep structure were introduced by the American linguist Noam Chomsky in the early 1960s.

Nitin Shah, a psychologist who specializes in hypnosis, explains this concept with an example:
“…The deep structure and surface structure were introduced by Noam Chomsky as a part of his work on transformational grammar. As per Chomsky, deep structure refers to concepts, thoughts, ideas, and feelings; whereas surface structure refers to the words or language we use to represent the deep structure.”

Have you ever experienced a situation where you felt words were not enough to express what you had in mind?

If yes, you already understand the difference between deep structure and surface structure. Deep structure is what you wish to express, and surface structure is how you express it with the help of words and sentences.

To give you an example, if I were to tell you that “I bought colorful clothes,” this is a surface structure representing a more detailed and elaborate experience (deep structure). The deep structure will contain a lot more details like:

• How many clothes?
• Which types?
• What colors?
• Which clothes did I discard while buying the ones I bought?
• Where did I buy them from?
• Who I was with when I bought the clothes?
• What was the overall experience of buying these clothes?
• How did I feel while buying these clothes?
• What were the factors based on which I bought some clothes and discarded others?
• How much did it cost?

These are just some of the questions. But there will be many more questions that I will need to answer before being able to represent my complete experience, wouldn’t I?

If you notice, a lot of information has been deleted in the process of transforming the deep structure to the surface structure. This deleted information may not hold much value in a normal day-to-day conversation, but during therapies or in other situations where specific details are important, this deleted information may hold a lot of value.

It is also important to remember that along with deletion, generalization and distortion can also take place during the process of transformation from deep to surface structure. Consider the statement: “Everyone hates me.”

The statement contains both generalization (“everyone” – who?) and distortion (“hates me” – how exactly do I know?).

These are only some of the examples. We can divide these generalizations, deletions, and distortions into subcategories and learn to ask the right questions to move from the surface structure back to the deep structure.

But before we do that, let us understand why understanding the deep structure is important.

As mentioned in the previous post, when a client narrates a problem, what they are trying to represent is part of the map containing the problem, i.e., the deep structure. But they are using the surface structure to represent the same.

Now, if a particular deep structure could have been represented by only one surface structure and a particular surface structure could only represent one deep structure, there would be no scope for misunderstanding, and hence, there wouldn’t have been any need to question the surface structure. But alas, that is not the case.

Because of the nature of language, a particular deep structure can be represented by multiple surface structure sentences. “I bought colorful clothes” and “Colorful clothes were bought by me” are two different surface structure sentences that mean exactly the same thing, i.e., represent the same deep structure.

Also, a particular surface structure sentence can represent multiple deep structures.

“Speaking to you as an intelligent person” is a surface structure that could represent two different deep structures. Does the sentence represent a deep structure where:

• I think of you as an intelligent person, or
• I think of myself as an intelligent person who is speaking to you?

This creates a scope of misunderstanding, as the speaker may have used surface structure to represent deep structure 1, but the listener may have understood deep structure 2 because of ambiguity or lack of specific details. Now, the decisions and actions of the listener are based on deep structure 2 instead of deep structure 1.

Consider the following statement that a client speaks to the therapist while discussing his relationship issues:
“My spouse‘s parents treat my children differently because they are handicapped.”

This surface-level structure could represent a deep structure where:

• My children are handicapped
• My spouse‘s parents are handicapped

Also, the expression “treat my children differently” is vague and could mean different things. It could mean:

• Treat my children favorably, or
• Treat my children unfavorably

Additionally, the action being termed “different treatment” can represent different deep structures.

Now, if the therapist does not ask questions to explore the deep structure, the therapist will have to continue the therapy based on their interpretation of the surface structure. Since there is a possibility of incorrect interpretation, the entire line of therapy could go off-track.

This is one of the primary reasons why we recommend that the therapist should not assume anything about the client and avoid reading between the lines as far as possible.

I hope you have been able to understand the difference between the surface structure and deep structure and the need to question the surface structure sentence to be able to understand the deep structure as far as possible.

I believe that much like individuals, communities, and societies communicate through surface and underlying deep structures. Consider the occasion of Mother‘s Day in Western societies; what is the deep structure beneath this superficial celebration?

Living in the West, several painfully apparent possibilities emerge:

1. Neglect of our mothers amidst the relentless pursuit of success.
2. A sense of sorrow over this neglect.
3. Feeling indebted to our mothers but unable to repay their kindness, turning Mother‘s Day into a communal act of gratitude.
4. Wishing every day to honor mothers, recognizing the impracticality of this desire.
5. Accepting Mother‘s Day as a designated day, akin to Eid or Christmas, to ease the burden of constant celebration while still showing appreciation.
6. Using Mother‘s Day as a reminder to care for our mothers, even if only for that specific day.

This correlation between surface and deep structures in communication must be approached with caution. Just as a deep structure shapes a particular surface expression, a well-designed surface structure can create a profound construct or a combination of constructs on a deeper level.

The celebration of Mother‘s Day, a Western tradition, doesn‘t align with contemporary Muslims living in the East, except for a minority facing similar concerns. Introducing this rite to the majority could lead to disastrous consequences.

Dr. Peter Senge is an American systems scientist and lecturer at the MIT Sloan School of Management and the founder of the Society for Organizational Learning.

In his book The Fifth Discipline: The Art and Practice of the Learning Organization, he writes about companies, saying that “when I see a mission statement on the wall, I know there is a problem.”

What is the deep structure of a mission statement on the wall that Dr. Senge is seeing and we are not?

He writes that he has often seen mission statements on the walls of companies, but he has never seen anyone who could recite them from memory or explain how they were being used to guide decision-making. Senge argues that mission statements are often created as a quick fix to address a problem rather than genuinely expressing the company‘s values and purpose. He suggests that mission statements can be helpful if they are developed through dialogue and reflection and if they are used as a tool for learning and growth rather than as a static document.

So dear friends, as someone teaching Time Management, Strategic Visions, Roles, and Goals planning for over 25 years, what is the deep structure behind ‘New Year resolutions’ that I see?

1. I believe I have not been effective this year and have lost a lot of time.
2. I would like to change and make the New Year effective.
3. I am feeling lost, but hopefully, I will find my way this New Year.
4. I feel I am not consistent in my life and hopefully would like to become consistent this New Year.
5. I am unhappy with my life, and hopefully, if I can make New Year‘s resolutions, I shall feel happy and content.
6. My long-term vision is blurred; I want clarity for at least this coming year.
7. I would like to matter and be felt in the vast universe, and my new resolutions will lead me toward significance.

Let us look at some numbers: according to a recent Forbes Health/One Poll survey, only 9% of people are successful in keeping their New Year‘s resolutions. The survey also found that 62% of Americans feel pressured to set a New Year‘s resolution, and more than half of Americans abandon their resolutions within the first three months.

Can you guess why New Year‘s resolutions are an utter failure?

Because the resolution itself does not address the deep structure behind the resolution desire. This concept of self-deception has been beautifully explained by the game theory of Dr. Eric Berne in his book *Games People Play.*

We play a game with ourselves when we believe that money can give us happiness. For the capitalistic society, such a game means a lot of money. So, the capitalist system will work hard to keep us playing this game for economic gain.

This game is also a distraction from working hard on the foundations of true happiness, which are correct beliefs, purpose, and character traits like affection, loyalty, faith in Allah (SWT), Taqwa (being mindful of Allah), having a correct purpose, a powerful and noble vision, sincerity, care, integrity, and high Zarf (magnanimity). This hard work requires sacrifice, years of sweat and blood, and unwavering commitment.

Earning money is not only a distraction but also a quick fix. If you look at it carefully, making money is a pretty easy thing to do. No wonder, people of substance don’t take it very seriously, let alone be obsessed with it. Yes, it is necessary, just like attending to the call of nature. They have other important things to focus on. It is also not a surprise that many rich people are very shallow.

Israel is a rich country. If only they could have focused on building proper beliefs and character in their people, they would not have had to show the world so convincingly how murderous and torturous they have become.

Similarly, the deep structure of New Year resolutions is not remedied by the surface structure, the resolutions, just as money doesn’t address unhappiness.

Just as having money without the right foundations will only aggravate sadness, New Year‘s resolutions will exacerbate the conditions for which we tried the resolutions to begin with.

So, what are the foundations that we need to work on? And believe me, please note: once you work on the foundations, New Year resolutions will become a joke; just like for children who serve their parents the way they should be served, Mother‘s Day is a joke.

Here is what we need to work on to increase our maturity. I define maturity as a combination of Core, Character Traits, and Competence.

By **Core**, I mean a correct set of beliefs (Ideology), a clear sense of why we have been created (Ultimate Purpose), a very powerful, correct, and long-term picture of the future that we want to create (Ultimate Vision), and an apparent and evidence-based reason for this vision (Purpose of the Vision).

**Character traits** include integrity, loyalty, honesty, humility (restraint), gratitude, etc.

**Competence** is a combination of knowledge and abilities.

Lastly, there is no harm in having a yearly target. These should not be thought of only on the eve of the New Year. Rather, they should flow naturally from our long-term vision.

So, my friends, do you understand why I am against New Year‘s resolutions?

Remember, significance doesn’t come through New Year resolutions but rather through a life of **maturity**!